Ain't no motherfucker love a movie like this motherfucker love a movie.

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Fearless - 8.5/10

A man survives a plane crash. His body makes it back to earth, but his soul is left to wander. There is a look in Jeff Bridges eyes of knowing that is something like Jesus must have had. The movie makes an interesting point, if I’m reading it right, that the only way to live is to know you can die. “Look behind you! Remember that you are but a man!,” etc. Otherwise, we just wanderin’.

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The Count Of Monte Cristo (1934) - 6.5/10.

Oh, movies. Robert Donat plays his Dantes with such nonchalance and underlying glee that he hardly seems to care that he’s been wronged. So he’ll have to excuse me if I don’t either.

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The Colors Trilogy: Blue - 7/10.

‘Last Tango in Paris’ with loneliness instead of sex. Well, some sex. Also, everything’s blue, what the fuck???

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The Last Detail - Carol Kane’s breasts/10.

There’s little here I don’t love. Like ‘Down By Law,’ a cast of characters united by circumstance rather than a real, careful liking, and when the circumstance ends, so does any connection they have to each other. It’s like getting stuck in an elevator and telling the other person exactly who you are and then walking out without saying goodbye.

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The Wrestler - 6.5/10.

Oddly cliche and generic, save for a few genuinely sweet character moments. It mostly serves as an elegy, a fantasy wish-fulfillment of wayward professions whose time was once and may be again. It makes a hero out of someone too stubborn to not fuck up, which the movie hides from us for the longest time because he’s such a damn sweetheart, now isn’t he.

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My Bloody Valentine 3-D - 6/10.

I didn’t know who the killer was until the end and it was in 3-d.

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Synecdoche, NY - 8/10.

Hey, man, that was pretty good. Jam-packed full of ideas, good ideas, about art and artists and I guess regular motherfuckers, too, but who gives a shit about them. Charlie Kaufman’s flaws in the past have been sacrificing a certain amount of character development for the sake of his ideas, which is a sort of half-assed criticism, really, and it’s still there in this one, though lesser. He managed to cram in all of his ideas and have his most fleshed-out character so far, even if it falls short of understanding itself. It shows how smart Charlie Kaufman is that he ends up making that part of the point of the movie anyway. I’m waiting for the day I can talk about Charlie Kaufman movies without talking about Charlie Kaufman.

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Commando - 6/10.

I’ve been holding this up for years to be some sort of ‘Cobra’-level event, but it only manages to be half as bad as that one is. I watched it on AMC and apparently I missed him cutting off the top of some guy’s head? so it’s probably a point lower than it should be.

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I Walked With A Zombie - 7/10.

Like ‘The Cat People,’ a Val Lewton production, and his trick seems to be placing fairly serious social drama on top of a superstitious background. While ‘The Cat People’ never got the social drama down, dragging one sentiment for far too long, here, it’s wonderfully melodramatic, with one brother hiring a nurse to save his wife that he may have driven mad, while letting his brother continue to suffer. It’s dense shit that reveals itself in pieces. But where ‘The Cat People’ got the horror bit right at the end, ‘Zombie’ never really capitalizes on the thick island and voodoo atmosphere that it creates for itself. What’s interesting is that while the social drama is fun, it’s sort of only fun knowing that there’s a hint of what’s-behind-the-door that could come out at any moment. It toys with you, and I think that’s what horror movies are supposed to do or something.

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Adam’s Rib - 9/10.

Holy shit, this was *darling.* I’m not big on Spencer Tracy and I avoided the Tracy/Hepburn get-togethers because I feared his terrible commonplace-ness would fuck with her radiance, but he has this wonderful effect on her – instead of just glowing, she comes off as warm, and she succeeds in making him something worth admiring. My god, they are beautiful together. Fucking shit. Christ. The ending isn’t as tight as I would’ve liked but fuck that shit, I don’t give a fuck, this was a joy to watch. I like movies like this. Please make more of them. And Judy Holliday was a doll.

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The Fall - 8/10.

I watched this movie in a theater with my eyes wide open.

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Cannibal Holocaust - 5.5/10.

Deodato points the camera not at the gruesome violence but instead at us, as if to say, plaintively - it’s almost like we’re the real cannibals. You know? Guys? Hello? Somebody’s got to be with me on this. Guys?

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Pirates of the Caribbean 2 - 3/10.

This movie didn’t make a lick of sense, but it had a guy with an octopus for a face, fuck.

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Babel - 3.5/10.

This movie fucking sucked.